counsellor here for lauren, i need sum1 im abs cracking up yet i have to be strong and pretend, my whole life seems to be about pretence, im hurting like i didnt think any1 could hurt, how do i get over this? it seems every1 else has got over it or dont care but im hurting. il end up killing myself maybe not directly but by drinking the amounts i do on top of morphine etc, i dont care but i should because lauren needs me. but how do i get over it and move on , i cant. those scum killed me as well as nikki. if i just knew nikki was ok and truly there is life after death maybe that would make it easier but i cn never 4give myself 1/ for giving her the money and 2/ for going back to bed and not to the hospital with her but it ha[ppened so many times before, i was expecting her back home in a day or 2 and now this haunts me. if only all these people on drugs could see me and my pain maybe just maybe, but i doubt it they would stop and think. god bless nikki you didnt deserve that and i wish i could change places with you, im sorry i wasnt there with you, and im sorry if as im sure i did i failed you as a parent. you always were there with hugs n kisses n used to ask me why i wouldnt hug you properly, i felt uncomfortable when you were grown up but i was there for you and you knew that and you were always there for me, i miss you so so much xxxxxxxxxxx